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I want you to be on the site at least three hours a week.” Uh-oh. Kindly, Hoffman refrains from mocking my unassisted self-description: “I’m a loving person who likes trying new restaurants and a sweet treat before bed.” (I never realized how dirty that sounds.) She asks about my hobbies, how my coworkers would fill in the “most likely to” blank. And if they occasionally get a positive response, they may figure it can't hurt to try again.

You don’t have to stand in a bar and wait for the right one to come along,” says Fisher.

I’m supposed to focus on how I feel, not on “the package”—but it’s hard when the package is so beautifully wrapped.

He's sweet, too, talking about his grandma, and we follow dinner with drinks.

“And we’ve found that people looking for a sweetheart on the internet are more likely to have full-time employment and higher education, and to be seeking a long-term partner.

Online dating is the way to go—you just have to learn to work the system.” So take heart: Whether you’re a first-time player or a seasoned contestant who wants to up her game, our troubleshooting guide is here to help, with advice from both experts and survivors on how to search strategically, handle setbacks gracefully, maintain sanity, and enjoy the ride—with minimal agony and maximum ecstasy. Seven years ago, I signed up for Match.com, but I never took it seriously.

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