Dating fat grils
I was waiting for him to tell me I wasn’t good enough, the way I told myself that every day. If you start a relationship when you don’t love yourself, you’ll have many hardships along the way. My peers were starting to have relationships as young as 12. In my experience, it’s better to let love come naturally.They weren’t serious relationships, but I was still jealous. Even after goofy Mike literally asked me on a date, I didn’t take him seriously. We acted together in a summer theatre program called Second Stage.I was afraid he would realize how much work I needed.I was waiting for the moment when he would finally understand me and be repulsed. If you can’t love yourself, you won’t be able to understand why someone else would love you. I didn’t love myself and didn’t get much love from my distant family or friends. You can’t replace self-love with love from another.
I didn’t build up the courage to tell him until over a year after we met. My questions danced between two topics: did he know I liked him, and was it possible for him to like me, or someone like me—a fat girl. I wasn’t being subtle and yet he had made no counter-move.With Forrest, I was too desperate to understand his subtle rejection. I didn’t pursue a romantic relationship for nearly two years. Yet heartbreak was what I needed to build the foundation of my self-esteem. Heartbreak, starting college and becoming vegan helped me grow in confidence over the last two years.I wasn’t desperate on OKCupid the way I’d been with Forrest. My crushes as an overweight girl started when I was in elementary school. It began as an odd acquaintanceship with Mike in my freshman year of high school. Though the compliments were strange, they were detail-oriented and weren’t backhanded. Another part of me said that he was just taunting me. Loving yourself is the first step to finding somebody else to love you. I imagined myself walking up to him and telling him how I felt, though I never turned those dreams into reality. I had a handful of crushes in the past, but I was going to encounter a beast I had no clue how to handle: a potential crush on .